We've Moved

Find me on www.notanotherdietblog.com

Sorry it took so long.

I've missed you!

Busty or Busted?

Reader and lovely lady Christine mentioned bathing suits in her last comment. That reminded me of the best story ever. This happened yesterday. I am in a database to be an extra in movies. I signed up about three months ago. They know my real weight, height, measurements, etc. They have pictures. I got my first invitation yesterday to "portray a (we'll substitute the words lady of the night here) in a bikini" I was laughing so hard I almost fell off my chair. I mean seriously, were they only searching bust measurements? I am not trying to be down on myself but I looked it up and it's a legit film starting to film in June near here and there is no way that my bare belly should be on a tiny screen never mind a big one.

I signed up for the casting anyway. After I got over the initial crying from laughter I decided... Motivation! I have also wanted to show off my impression of the "Rock of Love Bus" girls. I may be famous soon. ;)

Much love,

Lula Mae

I will be strong like bull

Hey all -


My hand weights came today! 5 lbs each. I have been using 2 lbs, so this is more than twice as much but 3 was too little and there aren't a lot of 4's around. Anyway, I'm excited to go home and use them. That DVD I got (Biggest Loser) kicks my bum! It's really good. The other people doing it are previous biggest loser contestants who aren't finished getting in perfect shape yet. I am finding that this helps. When I watch a video and everyone who has rock hard abs is sweating I tend to doubt my ability to do the same thing, but here these real people are doing the moves along with the trainer and I have no excuse to stop. Unless I need water.

I don't have a lot of time today work is nuts. I just wanted to say hello and see how everyone is doing. I think it's time to reboot our diets. Shorts, coming soon.

Take care,

Lula Mae

Too much Reality

I'm a little sad. Being the reality TV addict that I am I obviously Love Bethany from The Real Housewives of New York. I was very excited for her book. It seemed to have the same basic ideas that I have been getting behind. Eat healthy, exercise, sometimes you're going to give into a craving. Now, it does have good reviews for the most part but there are a lot of honest people out there who are saying not to waste your time, that Bethany is basically saying don't finish your meal (order steak and take 3 bites), she gives her diet log for a week that is about 760 calories a day when no one should really live on less than 1000 and that's a very small person. This is not the healthy eating strong woman manifesto that I was hoping for. Although, I may still buy it for her cocktail recipes.
In other news I am in no way interested in the book by the snotty Countess about manners. If you were wondering.

I did buy a new workout DVD to switch things up a bit and also some hand weights.
Again with the reality TV. It's sad, I know. Bob from the biggest loser always gets me pumped to work out and I know I need to focus on cardio since what I really want to do is burn the fat. This DVD is pretty cool. It's a 6 week boot camp that gets harder every two weeks, you can customize the workouts, and you can do them all in a row if you're feeling hardcore. I don't recommend that the first one had my butt in a lot of pain the next day.


So tell me, what's new with all of you? Any progress? New stories?

I was held back a little by an Ovarian cyst, I was in a lot of pain and working out wasn't very fun. I was also very bloated. For some reason when I look fat I feel like it's ok to eat bad food and it's a very vicious circle that I am just getting out of again. Eat right, exercise, want to be healthy. Come on now. I quit smoking years ago I can do this.

Take care,

Lula Mae

Fad no more!

Hello all -

I've started my burpees - day one was 6 (3, pause for 30 seconds, 2, pause, 1) harder than it sounds. Day 2 10 (4,3,2,1) Today will be 15. I'm a monstah! I don't know if they are something that I will do every day but I like them like I like jumping jacks. They get my blood pumping and make me feel alive all over really fast. I dig that.

I would just like to say that I disagree with this news story
I don't see an issue of fighting fat with fiber, eating protein, etc, but again the news is trying to sell America on a "new way of eating" when the tried and true way to lose weight and stay healthy is what we've heard since we were kids. Exercise and a balanced diet. Why the hell do we keep falling for all of these fads? I know why, it seems like there has to be an easy way out. It's possible for people to cheat at almost everything else in life. But fad diets don't last, plastic surgery is dangerous and unnecessary in most cases, and no matter what anyone says there is no magic pill. Some make you lose water weight, some pills for other things have side effects of weight loss for a little while but to really be healthy you still need to exercise and eat right. If you don't own up to it. I had the dollar menu from Wendy's yesterday. It was a weak moment and I caved, I own it and I will continue to own my stomach.

Sorry for the rant. I just want people to stop wasting money and time on things that aren't going to last. I'm not at my ideal weight yet but I feel like I know how to get there.

Take care-

Lula Mae

I thought Burpees were for baby puke

Good morning all -

Good news. By incorporating exercise back into my healthy life plan this weekend I lost the pound I had gained, so I am down to 159.4 or .6 I forgot to take a picture. That reminds me, I have to start taking pictures.

In addition to the Wii fit I am going to start a Burpees program with the man. He started on 40 because he's nuts but I am going to start with 5, and increase daily until I'm up to 100 and basically Wonder Woman. If you've never heard of this phenomenon here are a few pages to get you started.

http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/rossboxing2.htm

http://www.rosstraining.com/articles/burpeeclip.htm

A few options from another blogger

So for those of you who don't know me it's my birthday. I am the big 2-9 today and I am glad that I have already started working on my body and eating better. I find that each year really does bring weight in new places and makes it a little harder to get rid of. With the correct mindset and endurance I'll be able to chase my future children around the house way better than present Lula Mae could, if they existed already. I don't know if that made sense.

I hope you are all having a wonderful day. If any of you have tried Burpees or any other indoor do it at your own pace in the bedroom type of exercise I would love to hear feedback.

Good luck!

Lula Mae

beep beep beep beep beep this just in

So, week end report: the eating well has been going well. This morning I had a multi grain English muffin with a tiny bit of peanut butter, a cup of vanilla yogurt with a little granola mixed in and some 100% juice. Lunch is free Pizza on Fridays at work and hard to work around but I managed a plate full of salad and two meatballs, not bad considering. For a late afternoon snack I had two pieces of dark chocolate. I am PMSing and do not deny myself chocolate. It's not just for me, it's for humanity. I also drank a lot of water and some coffee. I cut the sugar out of coffee a couple of years ago. I can drink it black but usually put in a little fat free milk because I find it more aesthetically pleasing. I'm weird.

Everyone else is at Beer-30 right now but I'm still trying to show my boss that I'm a shining star just like always. I love to socialize so this is exceptionally hard for me. It's right down the row from me because well, I helped invent it. *sigh*

Sara, when you were talking about putting on sudden weight I didn't think of it right then but remember your cycle. A week before or during your "time" you may add on water weight. I always do. It's different for everyone. Please don't get discouraged. You re-inspired me so if you're not inspired anymore where does that leave us?

Next weeks goal: daily exercise in addition to work, school, and eating well. I can do it. I already have more energy from having better food in my body. We'll start tomorrow shall we?

How are you all doing? Losing weight? Gaining Weight? Starting new projects? Sitting on the couch doing nothing? Running marathons? Anything?

Love you,

Lula Mae

The times they are a changin..

I admit it. I am listening to Britney Spears "Womanizer" right now. I realize that it's a computerized (digitized?) voice and all that and I don't really give a crap about her but the tune is catchy. I feel ashamed. What happened to the indie rock days of college? I am turning 29 next week and listening to.... POP?! And then I find out that the least likely person in the entire world to get married got married to a lawyer and moved to New York. He didn't even shower when I knew him 3 years ago. weird.

I also had a dream last night involving the fat on my thighs turning into terrible shapes so that it was impossible to hide. Talk about traumatic.

I had a bad yesterday and a better today. I don't have a lot to give to you right now but if you would like to share any changes you have noticed in yourself this year you are more than welcome, in fact I would love it.

Jenessa I love all your snack ideas, and and I am so with you on the back fat. I think the shuffle against the wall idea is a good one. What did you call it? Do si do?

Love you,

Lula Mae

Sunny Days

Seriously? No one is willing to share their self image issues. I can post them anonymously. Or you can. Anyway. Maybe we'll start with a lighter topic.

Your Favorite Healthy Recipe or Snack

Mine is a snack because I can't cook, I'm going to learn though. I love laughing cow cheese (just one wedge) spread over a wasa sesame cracker. I know we may have discussed this but that's my favorite so I have no choice but to be redundant.

In other news I miss all of you. It must be a busy time of year for everyone, I know it has been for me. Anytime you feel like dropping a line it's lovely to hear from you.

Much Love,

Lula Mae

You're beautiful

Hello my friends-

After getting over the jetlag, missing vacation, hating being back at work, and the flu, I am done with excuses. I am ready to get back on track. Today has been great so far and I am excited to pick up where I left off. I cannot wait to move down a pants size. I was at a point where I didn't mind looking in the mirror and now I'm kind of like "meh".

So to go over the basics; I will eat healthy as often as possible. I will find ways to fit exercise into my daily life. I will only give in to unhealthy foods if they are a 10 out of 10 on my yummy scale and I feel like I deserve a treat. I will reward myself with something that is not food every 5 pounds. I will cut back on my drinking.

I'm ready.

I can't wait to get back on the Wii fit when I get home even though I'm sure it's going to yell at me. The Jerk.

The new site is up but not quite running yet. I don't want to make it the main site until it's functional at more than a blog level. To help start off my sections I was wondering if the people who are my readers now would like to contribute stories that will be on the website when it launches. You don't have to do this but if you decide to I would very much appreciate it and I think we could inspire a lot of people.

Today's topic: Self Image (I know it's broad, it's so you can take it where you want to. If you're not heavy you can still write about issues you've had with yourself or if you are any weight and have had no issues tell us how and why)

I'll start.

As I've said before my weight has ranged from 159 - 200 over the years after high school. There was a point right after college when I started a medication that had the happy side effect of making me lose weight (for a little while) it just reduced my appetite. I remember feeling full for the first time. This was the first time I went down to 159. I looked pretty good, as a girl of 5'7" who had been considerably heavier before. Unfortunately I didn't notice. My confidence was at such a low level that every time I looked in the mirror I saw the same pudgy girl I had seen all my life and I was disgusted. I had issues letting anyone see me naked, I thought I was ugly and incredibly fat. It was at that time that I gained my first bit of confidence. A person that I was... we'll say dating, could not understand why I hid under the covers all the time. Finally it got to a point where he ripped them off me and left me on the bed in my birthday suit. I curled up in a ball and tried to cover myself. He gave me back the sheet but repeated "You're beautiful" to me about 300 times while I sobbed and finally relinquished the sheet. After that I knew that if a man wanted to be with me he liked seeing me naked and that there were very few people that were completely perfect, and that most people knew that. That's how I became comfortable with my body. (I still don't always love it) but I'm comfortable.

Love you,

Lula Mae

Atlas

The weather is getting warmer around here which is a good motivator for any of those who lost their New Years Resolution Motivation. I remember just last year when the man wanted to play Tennis with me, I was so embarrassed of my thighs that I bought these horrible long shorts, when I looked in the mirror I did not feel feminine or attractive and I just sobbed. By the end of the summer with a little exercise my legs slimmed down a lot. We went to play tennis one day and I looked down at my thighs and was not at all embarrassed. I didn't even try to make it happen, I was just trying to be healthy.

There are a lot of stresses right now that can bring anyone down. The economy, the change in seasons, getting older, etc. I know they're all taking their toll on me. I'm an optimist and I find it hard to get out of bed in the morning so I have no idea what it's like for a pessimist. It's time to get the adrenalin pumping every morning. Not only for our physical health but now for our mental health. My doctor has always told me that exercise can have an amazing effect on the mood. I think that if we all start of the day with a little bit of a boost maybe it will make work a little easier to get through.

I also think it's important that we are here to support each other whether it's through weight loss, illness, relationship issues or anything else that happens.

This is why I am kicking off an official website within the next couple of weeks. I will keep the blog and even have another perspective from my friend Phoebe, but there will also be other areas of the site that I think will be beneficial to help us all support each other. I will keep you posted.

Sorry for being all over the place today, I'm feeling a bit scattered. I am going to chill with the man and the kitties for a little while longer and then get on the Wii fit for a while.

I hope you're all doing well. If you have ideas for the new site please post them. Anything that you would like to see a focus on in any area of women's health. Any tool that might help you in your daily life, etc.

Much love,

Lula Mae

Pew Pew Pew

I think we should all take a moment to congratulate blog follower Sara D on her first 10 (make that 11) pounds lost since she started reading and sharing with all of us. That is awesome and inspirational. You are now going to help me get motivated again, and I think that's important. We all need a support network. Sara I hope you rewarded yourself with a 10 pound indulgence. I have the sexy boots planned for me. What about you? A day at the Spa? A maid to do your spring cleaning? A hot new outfit?

I want all those things...

Thank you all for listening to me whine yesterday. I got back on the scale and through all this I have actually only gained back a pound. I can deal with a pound. Heck, I could get my hair cut and lose a pound (seriously there's a lot of it). I still don't feel great though and that's what I want to get back. I am back on the right track. I had a healthy dinner last night and when I felt like it wasn't enough I cut up celery and a cucumber. This morning I had a cup of good for me cereal with a little no fat milk. I did some leg stretches and lifts with weights last night and a little step this morning. I think I can I think I can..

Ok here's an embarrassing share story. I know there's some comic that has this in common with me so at least I'm not the only one but do legs over your head yoga poses give release gas for anyone else. I'm sitting there feeling all sexy and bendy and I lift my legs straight in the air, fine, and then they say bring them down over your head parallel to the ground. That's when it starts. I can't do those poses when the man's around though I'm pretty sure he would like them other than... that. I'm also petrified to go to a yoga class. I'm sticking to home yoga. I did a few light classes that never asked me to bend like that a few years ago so I have some basics.

I told you I'm honest.

Tell me a story.

Love,

Lula Mae

Kick Me.

Hello again friends,

I have had a really hard time eating healthy since I got back from my trip. I have still not weighed myself because honestly I don't want to know. It's upsetting because I was on a really good track. I want to be on it again, it's just that initial motivation, that kick in the ass that I'm missing. I try thinking about the possibility of a high school reunion and how amazing I would like to look, doesn't work. I try thinking of children I want to have 5-10 years from now and how I want to be able to catch them, nothing. I am in this apathetic stage where I am just watching myself go downhill and hating it. I did manage to get healthy groceries so that when I'm home I have very little choice but to have a healthy dinner. Breakfast and lunch are sometimes questionable. My stomach has been a bit messed up lately so I'm afraid to add in too much fiber and ruffage. I can certainly eat better than I am without it, but what I'm doing isn't horrible. Why does the computer say ruffage isn't a word? Did my mother make it up or something? It has no problem with isn't and technically that's completely incorrect. But where was I before I went off on the English major tangent?

Oh yes. I did start back at school to finish up all my odds and ends, so that's good news. The man and I have started looking for a place together. It wouldn't be until September or August but we want to make sure we get exactly what we want and get our deposits in ahead of the students. I also got a lot of new HD channels for the same price with EXTREME HD (it came with a free helmet I think) there's going to be a pet channel in HD soon and I know the kitties will be excited. They love animal planet as it is so more kitties will be even better.

Ok so here's the deal. I need your help. I need a kick in the ass. I don't know if it's the change of seasons or stress at work or just general laziness but when I get home or when I wake up I cannot convince myself to work out. I know once I start that it will just get better and better.

Is anyone else having these issues right now?

Love,

Lula Mae

Here I am

It's true, I've been back from New Zealand for more than a week but I felt like a fraud writing to you any earlier than this. I haven't weighed in since coming back, I was a bit naughty food wise while on vacation but made up for it with all the activities I participated in, and when I got back I found the work and the jet lag didn't mix well with eating well. This was especially hard since I was poor until we got paid again. I had a really good time spending money in New Zealand though.

I am back now, finally caught up on sleep and have a fridge full of groceries that are at least semi decent for me. I came across an article today that I found very relevant to my blog and wanted to share it with you. Bethany NY Housewife Dieting Tips


I thought her general rules were very similar to things we have been discussing and definitely plan on purchasing the book. Ok so I'm giving in to buying another diet guide but this one at least admits that you just have to change your idea of eating and offers recipes and tips. I need that.

I hope you are all doing well. Did I miss anything urgent while I was gone?

ANTM starts tomorrow, you know you're as excited as I am.

Love you,

Lula Mae

Here I go to a land down under

I'll be off now until around the 20th but I will be sure to take many pictures for you! I will also investigate cuisine in New Zealand. I think I should try both the healthy and non healthy options, to be fair. ;)

The man is on his way so I have to go.

Much love!!

Lula Mae

A Rant

Good morning lovelies -

I was on my way home this morning, pretty early to get ready for work and spend a little time with the kitties, and I went on the hunt for coffee. I was on a pretty major road so it wasn't hard to come by but I also knew I wouldn't have a lot of time for breakfast at home so I thought I would try one of those egg white flat bread breakfast sandwiches. This drive through has a sign up "no sandwiches between 6 AM and 10 AM" bastards! Obviously they are against me and wanted me to eat a doughnut. I would have parked and gone in despite the cold had I known that but I was already more than halfway around the building in a one way parking lot on a one way street. Not an option. I ordered my coffee and said very sweetly "could I please have an egg white sandwich?" the lady barked at me! Well, not really but it was close enough. May I add that there was no one behind or in front of me and it was 6:15. So I decided just the coffee (WOOOOOO! That's actually a really big step for me) and pulled up. I got to the window and took the coffee, and the outside of the cup is covered in sugar. I'm actually not a rude person, even early in the morning. I just asked "excuse me, this is just skim milk right" because I can't even deal with sugar in my coffee any more. I got used to it without sugar and now if there is any sort of sweetener I make a Bill Cosby face as soon as I drink it. Anyway, dunkzilla barked at me again and when the coffee cooled down from boiling I learned that she wasn't lying. But as she handed me my receipt something inside me still made me say "I hate you". For those of you who know me you know I am telling the truth for I cannot lie. I thought I had my inner monologue on but it must be broken. It's going to be an interesting day.

Seriously though, I have worked in customer service before and I've had to swallow my pride and deal with mean people plenty of times. There is never a reason to be rude to a customer, especially when they are not being rude to you. I understand that she couldn't make me a sandwich but I didn't think it would hurt to ask sweetly.

Now I'm home with my coffee and oatmeal with a kitty and my computer on my lap and my coffee is almost gone, and that mean lady is probably only starting to deal with the rude people. Karma.

I do have to go to work though.

Love,

Lula Mae

Puppies!

If you're like me and do not particularly enjoy football I have a solution for you.

Animal Planet's Puppy Bowl V

It is by far the cutest show ever created and way more fun than watching a game that stops to reset every 5 seconds. I'm sorry, that annoys me. The puppy action never stops. There are only whistles if one has to go to the bathroom or if they're changing the lineup. There's also a kitten half time show.

That's right. It's Superbowl Sunday and I will be watching Animal Planet with my cats! They love to see other animals on the TV I can't wait.

Kitten Half Time

Weekly weigh in: 159.5 - chip chip chipping away. I'm bloated today so I usually don't even weigh myself this week of the month. I did it for you. I wanted to show you that even with a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (2 weeks actually but that's not the book title), during which time I did not always stick to the healthy eating plan, if you don't give up you can still succeed. I have to remember that it's not a diet. I choose not to eat food that is bad for me most of the time. It's a life change. I choose to exercise more. The weight loss is a bonus and will put me at a lower risk for heart disease, diabetes (which runs in my family), and I just don't want to let go of myself. I want to wake up in the morning and try to look good. I want to go to the doctor for physicals, get my hair styled by someone who knows what they're doing, keep working with my therapist towards a mentally healthier me with less medication. I want to embrace life. And watch the puppy bowl.

By the way I'm so over the bad time at work, it's dropped. Oddly enough monkeys and the man really helped me out there. Long story. But I realized that if I put my head down and work hard for a while longer this job can open up so many opportunities for me that will make many of my dreams come true. Right now I could have a job that I liked going to every day but it would probably be a volunteer job. In the future if I stick with school and work I can have a job that I love going to that they pay me for. That's pretty friggen sweet.

I really have to pack now. I was using all of you to procrastinate. Don't feel too dirty.

In the meantime I would like to know if you have life goals, and if you would mind sharing them with us. Large or small doesn't matter. Inquiring minds want to know.

Love you,

Lula Mae

When everyone is beautiful no one will be

I know it's late but I finally found a YouTube post of my favorite Twilight Zone episode and I wanted to share it with you. I apologize that it is in three parts. It's called "Number 12 Looks Just Like You". I spoke about it in my first blog entry.

This is something that really speaks to me and says that it's ok not to be perfect. I want to make sure that it's clear that I am trying to promote healthy eating and exercise to promote a better life, not so that you can fit into some Hollywood mold. Though I am working and plan to work harder to take care of my body, I never plan on getting plastic surgery. Veneers are something I would consider, but that's about it. I understand that sometimes people need plastic surgery but I think it's being abused as depicted in this episode which came out in 1964 and was way ahead of it's time.

Because I love you

Every time I put salsa on my eggs or yogurt on my waffles I think of you. That sounds weird. What I mean to say is that I wanted to talk about alternate toppings. I think they make a big difference.

Alternate topping # 1 - Salsa (replaces Ketchup, BBQ Sauce, etc. Also makes bland food better)

Eggbeaters, on their own they're ok. Put some salsa in there and they are fan-friggen-tastic. Any sort of vegetarian Patti like a chicken puck or a veggie burger, better with salsa. Pretty much any time anything needs to taste good I use a spoon full of salsa. It's really not bad for you at all and it spices everything right up. I believe they say spicy food helps you digest things better but I'm going to have to look that one up for you.

Alternate topping #2 & 3- Baby food or Yogurt (replaces syrup, or sugary jelly)

That's right, every once in a while I treat myself to two Eggo's but instead of butter and syrup I put a little baby food (peach) or Yogurt (vanilla Stoneyfield Farm. I think it actually tastes better. It's not really that far of a reach, diners cover French Toast and Waffles in fruit all the time. If I have fresh fruit available that is also an option but for some reason I like a little soggy on the waffle.

Baby food is also good on it's own. Very underrated. This stuff is packed with vitamins and protein that your body needs and comes in a variety of flavors. I also use it in the place of ice cream when possible. I have always stuck to the fruit flavors, and read the labels to make sure they aren't trying to pull one on me by sneaking in sugar. It's always important to read labels.

Alternate topping #4 Tabasco sauce - (replaces salt)

I don't put Tabasco on everything. The point is that I taste what I'm eating first. Watch next time you are out at a meal. You will be surprised at how many people put salt on the food without tasting it first. How do they know it needs more salt? I often add a little pepper or Tabasco if I find something bland but rarely salt.

I also have a good friend with a theory that if you are at an Italian restaurant with more than 3 people at least one person will order chicken parm. So far he's been right and it's been like 4 years. You can't tell the other people the rule before they order obviously. It's just how things happen. This has nothing to do with Tabasco sauce I just like people watching.

Alternate topping #5 - small amount of peanut butter (replaces butter on English muffins)

It's good and good for you. I said a small amount.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I also keep a little jam around at all times because I buy the Stoneyfield Farms Yogurt in bulk. You know, the big container of plain or vanilla? If I'm feeling saucy I mix a spoonful of jam in there and ta daaa flavor.


In other news I'm just getting ready for my trip. It may be hard (or nearly impossible) to post while I'm gone but I'll make up for it and take a lot of pictures.

Today's sharing story is about nervous habits. When I'm stressed out I pick my face until there are spots that look like they might have been zits but are now just red ugly spots. True story.

Ok ladies and gentlemen, I would love to know of any alternate toppings you have discovered and if you feel like sharing any nervous habits you are more than welcome. Mine was mildly disgusting so there's nothing to fear.

Much Love,

Lula Mae

I'm the Mommy that's why

I'm sitting here eating my oats and banana slices with a side of cranberry juice and I decide no time like the present to write a blog. The cranberry juice was actually my inspiration for this entry. A lot of people will tell you on diets not to have too much juice because of the hidden sugars. While this can be true there are certain juices that do great things for you. I make sure to buy 100% cranberry juice (the cocktail is actually more grape juice) with no sugar added. I drink a small glass every morning with my medicine. This all started with the Man's Mom.

She is the kind of woman who's advice you listen to. The first time I met her we got along instantly and our friendship grew over the week I was there. By the end of the week she had me following her basic rules.

1) One glass of cranberry juice a day to maintain a healthy UT (hey, I read about people with severe bladder infections all the time so I think it's a good plan)

2) One glass of milk per day to keep my bones strong and avoid Osteoporosis. I try but don't always stick to this one. I do make sure to have my dairy every day.

3) 1 multivitamin in the morning with possible extras like E for me since I have such dry skin.

She also showed me the way that she cooks to keep her son and husband in great shape. She puts love into everything she does and truely cares about those around her. I had such an amazing bond with her that when we had to leave we were both in tears. She was more upset about the Man leaving I'm sure but still.

I don't have a long time this morning but I wanted to share those things with you. It might seem very obvious to some, or things that we have heard before. But do you do it?

Has anyone given you unconventional wisdom that you stick to?

Love you,

Lula Mae

There is no Spoon

Hello again -

I have discovered that if I set my coffee pot to brew at 6:45 it is much easier to wake up. If it's easier to wake up it's easier to get my morning work out in before work. Thank you Black and Decker for making a 4 cup coffee pot with a timer. You are helping me on my road to healthy.

This morning was a little tough because the man was over. It is always harder to get out of bed when he's there. I would much rather stare at him for 30 minutes willing him to wake up snuggle. If only snuggling burned calories. As I mentioned earlier I could smell the coffee so I was able to drag my body off the bed and into the living room for a little Wii Fit. I like to do the Free Step in the morning for a half hour and watch Good Morning America. After a little relaxation after work I strapped my weights onto my legs and did some floor exercises, then some squats. I am determined to have a nice ass someday.

The good news is that even with the stress of last week and the bloating of PMS I am down to 159.8 Hey, it may not be much but I'll take a half pound. I also broke the 160 barrier. Woooo! I always lose the most in the first week so this is common. I will have to tear the pounds off little by little now.

I'm very sorry if this is not a good entry. I try not to talk about work or to have a positive attitude about it, and during the day I think I am succeeding. It's just been much worse than usual lately. I am trying to find different ways to suck it up. I realize the economy sucks and that I am lucky to have a good job. Every morning starts off well but by 2:00 the day is dragging. Bobble heads help. I think of goals for the future and what this job will do to help them. Today I also hung up Magritte's "La Trahison des Images". I have no idea why I find it soothing at work. I guess I could say "This is not my life" as he writes "This is not a pipe". His is a painting, mine is just a job. I don't know if that relation makes sense to anyone but me. Luckily I'm the only one who needs to be soothed.

Sorry to be so off topic today. Maybe it will be fun. What pieces of art and poetry have inspired you in your life? You can just pick a couple if there are many. You don't have to be able to explain why they inspired you, I understand that sometimes those things are hard to put in words. For instance I went to the MFA around the holidays and saw this painting for the first time up close. My heart felt like it was being pulled right out of me and sucked into the painting. I have never had such a strong emotional reaction to art. Please keep in mind that it is much more vivid in person. In case the picture doesn't work it's Van Gogh's "The Ravine".

Time for bed, beauty rest and all that.

Much Love,

Lula Mae

Right, that's what I said.

Good Morning lovelies,

I have so much to share with you and I apologize for not getting to it sooner. It was an extremely stressful week. But enough about work.

I actually don't know if I lost weight this week because I am at the man's house and he has no scale, I will check tomorrow morning. I do have my own ways of judging, like whether or not I can see my belly when I have my pajama pants on and if there are rolls under my bra. HA. Right now that is not happening so I think we are still on the right track.

This week I was shopping at TJ Maxx to prepare for our New Zealand trip (less than 2 weeks away). I found that they have hand weights, yoga pads, work out balls, resistance bands and all that good stuff for great prices. I had been looking around for 3 pound hand weights, two is too little and five a bit too much, and there were versatile ones there that you can wrap around your wrists or your ankles depending on what your working. These, in addition to my Wii fit, my resistance bands from Tony Horton, and my Yoga Ball is all the workout studio I can fit in my little apartment. Now when I'm doing step on Wii Fit I ad the weights and when I do my leg exercises from different websites I've come across I do the same. Baby steps. I was also pretty excited because now I can eat the soup in those cans I've been using as weights...

I live in an apartment complex where there is a full gym available to me, there is also a small gym at work but I prefer to work out at home. Being a girl who has never been in great shape I have always felt immediately inadequate when I walked into a gym. If I am going to start breathing heavy from working out I would much rather have the man and the cats witness it than a bunch of sweaty people I don't know. Is this the same for anyone else? Maybe someday I will get over this complex but until them I will continue to build my little gym.

No matter how much we weigh we are all different shapes. I found a phenomenal website that determines your body type and finds clothes that flatter. They also try to get you to buy the clothes, but you can always take their basic advice and find less expensive versions. MyShape

I also found a PDF you can use on a diet related website Women to Women, to track what you ate, how you were feeling that day, if there was any stress involved, if you pooped, if your having your period, etc. So if you really want to figure out what's going on with your body I think this might be the way to go. I'm not sure that I'm this dedicated right now but I thought some of you might be into it. wellnessdiary

I've discovered a lot in these first few weeks of better living. Here are the things that aren't as healthy

- Every once in a while (say once a month?) I need a cheeseburger.
- Ice cream and I are friends during stressful times (luckily there are a lot of low calorie options now)
- Detoxing from alcohol just for a little while has made it so I get sauced off one glass of wine. Talk about a money saver!

On the more positive end of the spectrum

- My skin is a lot better (I have psoriasis and eczema so that's a big deal)
-The stressful week was a lot easier to deal with, though I still want to invest in a punching bag
- Healthy food is really good! Well, most of it.

How are you all doing? I've missed you. Anything new to share? Vacations planned for the year? New Health discoveries?

Love you,

Lula

Tut tut looks like rain

Sorry that I've been absent from your lives lately. Work has not been an awesome place to be. I'm not as creative when I'm not as happy and it leads me to neglect you. Sad day. The good news is I have been sticking to the diet, almost all of the time. Today was an exceptionally bad day and that Brie and bread was just too good to pass up.

Seriously, I can't blog today I just wanted to let you know I was still here.

I did find a good website for you. matador life
I've been preparing for our trip to New Zealand and looking at tips for eating well when traveling and I came across it. Frankly I just thought it was a good website.

I'll be more interesting tomorrow. Possible. 20% chance.

Love,

Lula

"We're going streaking! WOOOOOO!"

It's our anniversary today. That's right I have been with the man of my dreams for a whole year already. Now we're traveling abroad soon so we said no presents, we're just going out to dinner and chilling. I know that the nice girlfriend thing to do would to get myself some hubba hubba lingerie and surprise him (unless he reads this first). There are a few things stopping me from doing this 1) The man hasn't been feeling well and it seems cruel. 2) I have always gone for baby dolls and things that are a little longer than my hips and loose around my belly. I think he likes tight things. I know he thinks I am a hottie but to me this would be like wearing a bikini before I'm ready. frankly I would rather be naked. So I guess we'll have to go with the no gift but my love plan. Sorry if that was an over share, I do that. Hence the anonymity.

Speaking of naked I think a lot of girls with weight issues, and perhaps some without have issues with that as well. It took me years not to undress under the covers and hope that no man saw me with a light on. Now, most of the time I can dance around proud but oddly if I am in clothes in public that show fat I am mortified. Go figure. Maybe I just shouldn't get dressed. Good plan.

So... I guess that was today's share story.

Tonight I do plan on a glass of wine with dinner and maybe even dessert. It's my favorite restaurant and a very special occasion. I've never loved, trusted, and been happy all at the same time. The man is the complete package. No you can't have him.

I think I can work some extra exercise into the schedule over the weekend.

Anyone want to talk about being naked? Other insecurities?

Love,

Lula Mae

'In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.' - Einstein

I faced my weigh in this morning and have some exciting results to share. Sorry for the low quality pics, they were taken with my camera phone before I had coffee. That's right kids, 3 pounds gone, 7 to go before I get new boots. Apparently Wii fit disagrees with my Weight watchers scale. It says I lost 4 pounds! I weighed in last right after coming back from a trip to Disney so that is probably why. Either way, happy day. For those of you who have never tried Wii Fit, your piggy bank turns different colors when you have reached a certain number of hours. This morning I got gold! A promising morning all around. Tonight I have more to share but for now it's back to work!

Much love to all,

Lula Mae

"As Miss Golightly was saying before she was most rudely interrupted... "

I found measurements that I took back in August, and the ones I have today are exactly the same. 40, 34, 40. It's slightly disheartening but at the same time I have to remember that I was about the same weight at the time. I have been up and down a little since then. This blog is a clean slate. I cannot count everything else. I have to try to look towards the future and meet my small goals. I have not weighed in since the 163 starting point with my first entry. Tomorrow mornings Wii fit session will be the first big show down. I'm slightly nervous since I didn't exercise as much as I would have liked to. I did stick to a healthy diet and watch my calorie intake so there may be hope.

Exercise is harder to fit in during a stress filled week. In addition to the man not feeling well this week; work has been extremely stressful lately. Let's not even talk about it.

Did I tell you that I figured out my first reward? At the party I was at last week this girl had amazing boots on. I will have those boots when I lose ten pounds. I would put them as a five pound reward but I'm also trying to curb my spending habits.
I have added the picture to the side of my page.

They shall be mine, oh yes, they shall be mine.

It's good to have a goal.

I went to Hannafords today which is quickly becoming my favorite grocery store. I have been advised that unsalted nuts like almonds and walnuts are good for you in small quantities and contain "good fat". I can dig a few almonds but as Jerry Seinfeld would say "Nuts are expensive, what's up with that?" I didn't understand his humor until my mid twenties, but I digress. At Hannafords you can weigh your own nuts and granola and you print out the label for them right there so you know exactly how much you're spending. Neat! They also have extremely fresh produce and they tell you the best way to use everything on the little signs. I'm not a great cook so I appreciate this. I wish Hannafords all the luck in the world and hope they always stay as lovely as the one I go to. I do not like the frosting on their cakes, that's the only downfall. Luckily I'm not eating a lot of frosting right now so I can forgive them. ;)

Share time!

As you might have guessed the fictional characters I relate to most are Holly Golightly and Amelie. I'm not sure if they are similar to a jaded image of myself from years of distorted self awareness or if I actually have a little piece of each of them in me. I could go on about this for hours. My question to you is, do you relate yourself to a fictional character?

My health related question is: has anyone tried boxing? Work gives me a lot of aggression to get out and I'm thinking about taking it up. I don't want to hit people just a lot of punching bags. Who wants to play with me?

Love you,

Lula Mae

Denied!

Less than a week into eating right and I'm already starting to feel better. I don't know if I have actually lost any weight yet (the man doesn't have a scale) but it is easier to get out of bed in the morning. It might be my imagination but I could swear that my lower belly is getting smaller too.

The lower belly has always been my least favorite place. I always had some chub there but in my early twenties the chub started to focus on that area. Lately it's moved on to my thighs, bastard chub.

Now in addition to floppy teacher arm I live in fear of ... dare I say it? I can't do it. We will just define it: a large concentration of fat in the lower abdominal region. Usually so large that it falls way below the waist and is masked as best as possible by jeans for women, well most men let it hang over. Is there a nice word for that? I doubt it. You see my point, I did not want to get to that point, mainly for health reasons. Read this article . But I was told that the lower belly was the most difficult place to lose weight, that I would probably have to give up carbs entirely and exercise like a maniac. Not gonna happen. So here we will have a true account, can you lose the lower belly without being extreme? I guess we'll have to wait and see. I took all my measurements at home so I will be able to keep track for you.

Speaking of extreme, I was sucked into an infomercial a few months ago for the Tony Horton's 10 MINUTE TRAINER 5 Workouts SET by Tony Horton - includes resistance band and other Extras! [DVD]. I was already in better physical condition than I had been so I thought I was ready to start incorporating something a little more hard core. Holy cheese on a platter that was hard core. The way to get the best results with it is by "stacking" the 10 minute workouts so that you actually do at least 30 minutes a day. I did one ten minute workout the day I got it and fell on the floor drenched in sweat. I think I'll go back to that again after a few more times on the illiptical and lifting weights at work. If you're looking for a good ass whooping, that's the way to go.

Sharing is caring, what to share today?

If you know me you already know this but I am terrible with money. I've been getting better, the thought of doing taxes doesn't stress me out as much. I pay my bills before going shopping, but I still have no savings other than my 401k. I did manage to eliminate most of my debt over the past years which was a lot of work. I find online billpay to be my savior, I can't forget when it does it for me! My only problem now is thinking furthur into the future and trying to budget. Lately I have tried to catch Suze Orman. When she tells people with 10x the savings I have who make less than me that they are denied for a small purchase I wince. She is the Tony of the financial world, and makes me realize that I can't just think about today. I'll get there.
Suze will help me.
Women & Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny


How do you make yourselves save money? In reference to the earlier part of the blog is there a body part you fear going horribly wrong in your future?

Much love,

Lula Mae

Lazy Jane

Lazy Saturdays are not something I am willing to give up. They don't always happen on Saturday. For instance yesterday the man and I had a Fringe marathon, I thought we were watching Twilight but it turns out that's a book. Sometimes I get confused. I blame the meds. ;) Since lazy Saturday (or Sunday) requires jammies and an all day TV session working out was a bit of a challenge. If this had been at my place I could have used my Wii fit while watching TV but alas, we were in Boston. There was no treadmill in site so I turned to THE INTERNET... dum dum dum.

I found this page dedicated to workouts for couch potatoes! Awesome! These won't be my every day work outs but in a pinch they're great. Yesterday I tried the suggested "sit in a chair and stand up repeatedly". I thought this would be easy. After a few minutes it actually started to burn! I never said I was in shape. The advanced form of this work out is to not actually sit down all the way, I'll get there someday. For now just sitting and standing has my thighs feeling it today. I'm psyched about that! One of my goals is to have thighs that don't touch each other. :)

I also did some crunches, assisted by the man who hung off the couch waiting for me to get up far enough for a kiss. That is good motivation, I may have to incorporate it into the everyday routine. We are home again today for reasons that have nothing to do with this blog so I think when I have a moment I will work my upper body. Someday I'll send you all a ticket to the gun show. owwww.


We need a share of the day, shall it be a strength or a weakness?

I'm not sure what this is I'll just share.

I love pajamas. For some reason the instant I get home from work and until I leave the house I feel like I have to wear them. Hoodies are a bonus. I did figure out that this stemmed from my mother making us take off our school clothes when we got home, though I don't know that I changed right into my pajamas. That's my story, anything you feel like sharing today is more than welcome.

Love,

Lula Mae

"You know what's gonna happen to you? I am gonna march you over to the zoo and feed you to the yak."

I have a confession to make. Last night I had 2.5 Gin and Tonics, and a Yuengling. I do intend to cut off drinking as much as possible but in my first big social situation after making this choice I was surrounded by people I didn't know and I caved. Baby steps. I also need to remember that when I do cave I don't need to cave so much. I must remind myself of my increasingly lower tolerance. Somehow while attempting to go to the bathroom I fell in the tub. Honestly, I don't know how it happened. When I looked up my drink was sitting on the sink, I wasn't wearing slippery shoes. I was just standing one second and in the tub thinking "oh shit" the next. Ta daa, there's still a little Holly in there for you. Actually that's more like the woman at Holly's party crying into the mirror. We all have our bad moments. I think other than that I avoided acting like an ass at the party.

I also came across my first perfect 10. It was a cupcake make by Rosie's Bakery in Cambridge. The icing was so good I wanted to go lick it off every cupcake but I was very well behaved and just ate the one chocolate cupcake. The rest of the food provided at the party looked tasty and was not all terrible for you (salsa and hummus were choices though I didn't see what they were serving them with) but I made sure to eat before going to the party and stayed away from the food all night. Progress. A little.

I think today's weakness of the day is obvious: using booze for self esteem in social situations where I don't know anyone.

Let's have a happier share time to end the blog.

Have any of you figured out what you want to be when you grow up? When I was little I wanted to be a mommy, I still do someday but I would also like a job that inspires me. I can't quite figure out what it is. So if you know please share and feel free to say how long you've known this was the path you wanted to take.

Much love,

Lula Mae

"You mean she would rather imagine herself relating to an absent person than build relationships with those around her?"

It's day 2.5 of watching what I eat and trying to exercise at least 30 minutes a day and I have to be honest, there is pain. My arms are not used to exercising very much. I want to avoid the dreaded teacher arm I made sure to work those muscles with soup cans while I was doing my step in the morning. On the elliptical I had both my arms and legs involved. Now I'm sitting here and this part of my arm is twitching where honestly, I didn't know I had a muscle. I was never big on biology.

You would also think that your body would love the healthy food. Mine is apparently not used to fiber, I won't go into too much detail there.

Let's take a break and talk about other addictions. I really think it's important to be honest. You can feel free to share yours if you like, I won't tell.

I'm watching Snoop Dog's Fatherhood right now. His wife claims that she's thick, that thick is cute and fat is sloppy. For now I've decided that I'm thick ;) I digressed again.

Weakness of the day: reality television

Big Brother, Survivor, Real Housewives of anything, Top Chef, Top Design, Rock of Love, and now Snoop. Once in a while I will even watch a season of the Real World. That's to bond with my brother more than anything, he puts on MTV whenever he doesn't have anything to watch so it gives us a default conversation starter. Now that he has a family and we're closer I probably don't need this.

I know reality shows are edited to show what the producers want you to see, but at least you get glimpses of real humans being as horrible or as good as they really are. It's addicting. In these shows to see these people act the way they do and then later explain to the camera the thought behind it all completely fascinates me. To see what they "really think" about other people when they aren't around is eye opening as well. It's helped me realize that some people just like to mess with people for fun, some people are just plain evil, some people just never learned how to be a good person but seem to have some potential, and some people really are good. Maybe I should have known all that but I didn't. I always saw the good in people and got hurt by many, but also made amazing friends. I talked to my therapist about my addiction to reality TV and how involved I get and he said it is very common for someone who is bipolar to relate more to people in a fictional world than in the one surrounding them. Oh Amelie, that just made me think of you.

When a very good friend looked at me in college and told me I was becoming a burden on everyone and I needed therapy I thought he was a big jerk. I had no idea he was helping me turn my life around. That was only the beginning of a 10 year struggle. You will see the story unfold throughout the blog. There were a lot of ups and downs. There was a period in my life where I was living in fantasy land and woke up to realize I was completely miserable, before that I knew I was miserable, and now I'm happy most of the time. When I'm not happy I'm aware of it which is the most important thing. Those are some highlights.

How does changing my life, reality television and weight loss all tie together? I'm glad you asked. Once I was finally on meds that put me in a stable place it was like a fog lifted out of my brain. I didn't feel like a clown half the time and lay in bed crying the other half. I was just Lula Mae. Oddly, I had never really been just Lula Mae before and that sort of messed with me too (aren't I fickle?). I didn't know how to act in my groups of friends if I wasn't the entertainer. I started to get writers block because I no longer had nights where I couldn't sleep that turned into funny stories. I stopped hanging out with my friends little by little and replaced them with wine. The thought of being in large groups of them made me completely uncomfortable. I felt like I wasn't the person they knew anymore. In the past year my quality of life has increased dramatically. I now have a very supportive boyfriend whom I trust. I don't remember the last time that happened. He has helped me get back into the world and realize that I can do things I never thought possible. I am learning how to play tennis (horribly so far), I can ski now, I even went hiking. Now that I was outside the house and in a good place I was drinking less and dropping pounds. I applied and got into BU to fix the horrible end to college that I made for myself. Do you know that I actually blocked out the fact that I didn't go to class for most of senior year? I actually argued with the registrars office. Anywho. I have motivation for my future now. I want to make things better. The only thing still missing in my life is my friends. I have been in contact with some of them, most of them are the ones I invited to read this blog, but not enough. I missed the laughter that we all brought each other. The reality television in some messed up way has prepared me. I don't have to be the clown. People would probably prefer it if I sat back and listened sometimes. I can just be Lula Mae and the real friends will still love me. No more Holly Golightly.

That was a weakness and part of the personal story. Sorry if I rambled on. I like quiet Saturday mornings.

Go to Jen's sister- in- law- almost's blog CarrotsNCake if you are looking for good recipes or just fun stories. Jen's right she's much more balanced than Hungry girl.

Love,

Lula Mae

Title Quote is from Amelie

The Perfect 10

Happy Friday everyone!

Just to follow up on my last post, I was trying to look up the stats for you and in the process I think I discovered that the Awesome Blossom was removed from the Chili's menu. When it existed this was the breakdown: Chili's Awesome Blossom. 2710 calories 203 g fat 194 g carbs 6360 mg sodium.

Seriously.

I have a few things to discuss with you but I think it's important to let you know that I will not be completely depriving myself. My boss told me a long time ago that if something is not at least an 8, it's not worth it. For this new turn in life I am going to try to stick to foods that are good for me unless I happen to come across a perfect 10 (at a time that I feel like I need to have it). For me a 10 is Flan made in Puerto Rico, Creme Brulee at a restaurant that makes it well, a moist piece of chocolate cake made by a professional, or extra sharp cheddar and a glass of red wine after a really long day. Obviously the last choice is one I could come across easily so I am just going to do my best to keep wine and sharp cheddar out of my house.

Speaking of cheese, I like it. I do not have to give it up or wait for the day that I crave the perfect 10 because of the Gods at Laughing Cow. One little triangle of their light spreadable cheese on a Ry Krisp Sesame Cracker is pretty close to the best snack I can ask for at the end of the day. It's also much better for me than a brick of cheese and a bottle of wine.

You heard me, a bottle of wine. That was the case a little over a year ago. I am in a happier place now which has led me to drinking less and therefore having a much lower tolerance. It takes so much less tequila to get on the drunk train. Since at a party I'm not really going to want to sit there looking up the calories in every drink I am going to try to cut back even more on the drinking for a while. I'm already more than halfway there so I think it will be a lot easier.

It may seem like a lot all at once but I've actually been introducing all these things slowly over the past couple of years, just not sticking to them. Also if you think about it everything I'm doing is making my life better. Exercise helps fight my depression. I have always been worried about turning into an alcoholic or a fat crazy old wino cat lady. Better foods will only improve my skin, weighing less will put less pressure on my crackity joints. I'm just trying to turn my life in a different direction that will subsequently make everything else a little bit easier to deal with.

Jenessa - I'm working on the marathon thing, I have a few leads. You're a smart girl. I still think Hawaii is a great goal though. ;)

Much love,

Lula Mae

A little research

Since I've decided to start this whole eating well and exercising thing, I thought I would post some sites that have helped me in the past. There have been times where I weighed in the 180's and more. Any time that I get anywhere near 170 I see a huge WARNING sign in my head. The last time this happened I decided to research a little about nutrition. I figured out that most fad diets are just based on watching your caloric intake and they assume you don't exercise much. With the Weight Watchers point system they put you on a very low calorie, low fat, low carb diet. That's all it is. I can do that myself. If you exercise Weight Watchers does allow you more points in your day. Wooo hooo! This isn't news, you burn more calories than you take in and you lose weight, why are we paying monthly fees for this? And like any diet if you don't follow it correctly it will not keep helping you in the long run, which is why it wasn't good for me. I didn't listen to their advice about balanced meals but focused on the point system. If I wanted to have 16 weight watchers chocolate cakes then that's that I had. Sure, I lost weight but as soon as I got off the diet it all came back. It wasn't a life style change. I am not going to buy weight watchers meals forever. I also thought the women there who weighed me in were devils. I told you I ramble.

When I looked into basic nutrition I discovered that I really did need to pay attention to food groups, calories, different kinds of fats, sugars, and all sorts of other things I never really thought about. Now I know that if I do not exercise much I can have about 2,000 calories per day, but that there need to be healthy proteins, dairy, and a ton of veggies, etc. It's not just watching the calories or the carbs or the fat, it's everything. I'll admit right now it's a pain in the ass but luckily as I did this more grocery stores tried to compete with Whole Foods and it became easier to find food that was good for me at low prices. I also discovered that if I really needed to taste something extremely yummy and almost sinful I could turn to hungrygirl.com. This is not the place to get all your recipes, but rather to replace a few of your favorite things in your healthy new lifestyle. Seriously this woman is amazing she can make anything low calorie.

So now you know, I'm capable of this. I've lost weight before but the 159-163 range is pretty much the lowest I can ever remember being and that's what I am now. If I can wear a bikini (outside of the house) before I'm 30, that will be amazing. I've never worn one. This belly and these thighs have always left me wishing I lived in the 20's so that it would be considered obscene to show any skin. I have a year and two months and about 20 pounds. I think that's reasonable. If it happens we're all going to Hawaii for my 30th birthday, just so you're aware.

I have some weaknesses.

-French Fries
-Cake
-Creme Brulee
-Cheese and Wine

I'm a little scared.

To help me I heard on the news this morning that Massachusetts restaurants may have to start posting calories on their menus. I think that's amazing. Do you have any idea how many calories are in an awesome blossom? Let me tell you, not awesome.



Nutrition.gov

Calorie Intake Per Day to Lose Weight

Hungry Girl

Love you lots,

Lula Mae

I'm big boned?

I should warn you before you get too involved that my favorite writers usually write train of thought. I may go off on tangents and for that I apologize, but I promise that someday I will bring you something of substance.

The first thing that comes to mind today is weight. It's something that I've battled with my whole life. I'm not a fat person but I have always perceived myself as chubbier than I am. I have just recently accepted that. I finally know how to eat well and occasionally exercise. I was a bit excited because the culture seemed to be turning around, finally women who were a size 12 were being recognized as beautiful. Since I happen to be a size 12 I thought "score!". These women are still looked at as plus size models, but compared to the waifs that I could never become even the models on the non plus size runway seemed a bit curvier. Now I innocently buy a copy of Elle to entertain me on a plane ride down to Florida. I shift through the fashion to get an idea of what I will be able to afford at TJ Max in a season or two, and what I can try to impersonate now. Towards the end of the magazine I come across this article, an interview of a lady who is so health conscious that she thinks it's terrible to promote anything to the public that is not aiming them towards having the perfect healthy figure. On one hand I am reminded of an episode of the Twilight Zone where a girl is almost forced to have surgery to be perfect like everyone else, on the other hand I can see some of the points this woman has. She mentions that we shouldn't accept our bodies just because we think we were born into them. That one stings. I come from a long line of size 12-20 women, and a long time ago I sort of accepted that no matter how much dieting I did I would always come back to that size. There is a picture of her with her overweight mother and grandmother and it makes me think, do I have to accept my body as beautiful at this weight? I have to admit I am still self conscious. There are mornings when I am convinced nothing in the world will look good on me. According to the BMI my ideal weight would be 144 (I'm 5'7") that would require me to lose about 20 pounds. The article had a lot of other interesting points, many too extreme but I think it got through to me. I think I will try to crack this size 12 shell and see if I can be healthier. I'm 28 now, it's only going to get more difficult. I won't take any pills, I won't follow any special diet plans, I will just eat nutritious food watching my calorie intake and try to do at least a little exercise every day. This blog, in addition to being a place to vent and practice my writing will also be a place to post my progress.

Wish me luck..

-Lula Mae